“7 Words”: How to Talk to Someone in Crisis

When someone is going through a crisis, their pain is not only caused by the distressing event itself but can also be exacerbated by how others respond to them.

This highlights the importance of choosing words carefully when speaking to someone in distress.

According to Ireland’s National Health Service (HSE), listening and constructive conversation are the foundations of support during challenging times.

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In a talk for “TED Radio Hour” on NPR, author Kelly Corrigan explained that spontaneous and poorly thought-out advice can sometimes be harmful. Instead, she suggested seven simple words in English that have proven effective:
“Tell me more,” “Go on…” “What else?”

According to Corrigan, these words shift the focus back to the person in pain, avoiding minimizing their problem or offering quick fixes.

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How to Manage a Conversation with Someone in Crisis

The HSE emphasizes the importance of encouraging the person to express themselves without fear of judgment or pressure to find immediate solutions. Recommended phrases include:

• “Can you tell me more about what’s going on?”
• “If you want to talk, I’m here to listen.”
• “I’ve noticed you don’t seem okay. Is something bothering you?”
• “It seems hard for you. Take your time; I’m not in a rush.”
• “It looks like you’re dealing with a lot right now.”
• “I’m sorry to hear what you’re going through.”
• “I appreciate you sharing your feelings with me.”

Experts highlight that the power of these phrases lies in showing that you are “available to listen and empathize without imposing an agenda or ready-made solutions.”

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What to Avoid

While seeing a loved one in pain may push you to minimize their distress to ease the situation, such attempts often backfire. Phrases like “things will get better” may sound comforting but can make the person feel their emotions are not understood.

The HSE stresses that “it may be more important for someone in crisis to feel heard than to receive ready-made solutions.”

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